They Don’t Want Help — But I Know They Need It

How to Support a Resistant College-Aged Child Without Pushing Them Away

You see them struggling. They’re anxious. Unmotivated. Stuck.

You know they could benefit from coaching, therapy, something…

But every time you bring it up?

“I’m fine.” “I don’t need help.” “Stop treating me like a project.”

And so, you’re stuck in the parent’s dilemma:

• Say nothing… and worry in silence

• Push harder… and risk damaging trust

• Watch from the sidelines… and feel powerless

Let’s change that.

🧠 What’s Really Going On When Young Adults Resist Help

When your child refuses help, it’s not always about pride or laziness.

More often, it’s about fear.

• Fear of being judged

• Fear of failing again

• Fear of needing help in the first place

In brain terms, their amygdala (threat detector) is on high alert. Even kind suggestions can feel like criticism. Even gentle nudges can trigger defensiveness.

So what looks like resistance is often just self-protection.

They’re not trying to shut you out. They’re trying to stay safe in a world that feels uncertain.

🙋‍♂️ Why Coaching Works — Even for the “Uncoachable”

At uNeed A Coach, we don’t force students to do anything.

We invite them to:

• Explore what they want

• Define success on their own terms

• Experiment with small steps — no pressure

• Learn how their brain works so they can stop fighting it

• Build a relationship with someone who’s not their parent, professor, or boss

This neutral, non-judgmental space is exactly what many resistant young adults need.

Once they realize coaching isn’t about “fixing” them — it’s about empowering them — they lean in.

Sometimes reluctantly. Sometimes slowly. But almost always… meaningfully.

💬 What to Say Instead of “You Need Help”

Try shifting from pressure to permission:

“I’m not trying to change you. I just care about how you feel in your life right now.”

Or:

“You don’t have to do anything today. But if you ever want to feel more confident or clear, I know someone who works with students exactly like you.”

And then step back. Let the seed be planted.

Many of our clients say they came to us months after a parent first mentioned coaching.

Because the offer was made with love, not pressure.

❤️ Bottom Line

You can’t want it for them.

But you can make it easier for them to want it for themselves.

When the time is right, they’ll remember your calm support. And that’s when the shift starts.

🧭 Ready to talk it through?

Book a free parent consult — no pressure, just perspective. We’ll talk about what might help your student when they’re ready to take that first step.

👉 Schedule a free call